Etty Hillesum - Tenderness

Les écrits d'Etty Hillesum. Journaux et lettres 1941-1943 (The writings of Etty Hillesum. Diaries and letters 1941-1943. Complete edition). Paris: Seuil, 2008, 1081 p.

April 26 [1942]. Sunday morning, 10 o'clock.
And now I want to add: "One must divide one's unique great tenderness into a thousand little tendernesses, otherwise one might give in under the weight of that great tenderness." A thousand little tendernesses: for a dog on the street or an old flower seller - and find the right word, which someone might precisely need. And thus, no longer be sad because you think you are unable to express this unique, great and strong feeling that you have inside you. Friday night, when I cycled home from his house in the spring night - the great love and tenderness I feel for him, I poured it out into that night, I put some of it in the stars and I sowed some of it behind me in the bushes by the river. And this again: "One must also know how to carry, bear and endure the strength of one's own feelings." One should not want to be delivered from them all the time, one should also be able to carry them within oneself without their weight crushing one, but on the contrary drawing strength from them, not only for this one man, but for many other creatures of God, who are also entitled to our attention and love.

But one thing is true: it is like an age-old trunk beaten by the weather, full of tenderness that blossoms like so many young leaves. –

p. 490