Etty Hillesum - Leviticus 19: 17-18

Les écrits d'Etty Hillesum. Journaux et lettres 1941-1943 (The writings of Etty Hillesum. Diaries and letters 1941-1943. Complete edition). Paris: Seuil, 2008, 1081 p.

Friday morning [November 28, 1941], quarter to nine.
Last night I felt I had to ask his forgiveness for all the ugly thoughts of revolt he had inspired in me in recent days. I am beginning to realize that when one has an aversion to one's neighbor, one must seek the root of it in self-loathing. "Love your neighbor as yourself." I also know that it is always me, and never him, who bears the responsibility for such feelings. We both have very different rhythms of life; we must allow each other the freedom to live according to our nature. If you want to model the other person on the image you have of him or her, you end up hitting a wall and you are always deceived, not by the other person, but by your own demands, to yourself and to the other person. It is rather silly and actually not very democratic, but it is human. Through psychology, a path may lead to true freedom: one can never think too much about the necessity of liberating oneself internally from the other, but also of allowing him his freedom by avoiding to form a determined representation of him. There are enough areas left for the imagination to explore without making it work on loved ones.

p. 232.